I Promise

I Promise to update this blog at least every other day. They might not be funny, they might not be long, but I will update.

So we'll start with this brief, yet to the point observation.

I work at a coffee shop with a drive thru. I'm perpetually amazed that when people pull into this drive thru, they stare at the menu as though it's written in Chinese. They then mumble their order into the menu board and act totally and utterly confused and/or incredulous when I say things like "I'm sorry, that was a Grande Mocha with No Whip, right?" and come to find out it's a small coffee with cream.

Maybe if you spoke above a mumble and had any kind of a clue, we would be able to assist you in a timely fashion. I mean, in a hypothetical perfect world.

And that is the first of the promised updates...

A brief recap of things I have done: the sequel

MY TURN.

So while I was home for Christmas, I developed a slight cough. No big deal, just a cold. WRONG. This was the Mysterious Illness of Almost Death.

Last weekend, when I thought I was dying of a cold and sore ("OMG did I bruise my lungs/ribs with all this coughing?") ribs, I finally decided to seek medical attention, AKA on Monday I went to a walk-in clinic. Apparently I was dying of bronchitis. I was promptly prescribed an epic antibiotic and cough syrup with codeine, AKA opiates.

I'm better-ish now. "Ish" because yesterday, I ran home during my lunch break to eat my leftover Chinese. While home, I coughed. And something popped (audibly) in my ribs. OWWW PAIN and spasming muscles. Went back to work, where I promptly burned my hand badly, worse than any other time. Ran hand under sink faucet for 15+ mins. Applied burn cream. More sink action. Finally resorted to a plastic glove with ice in it so I could continue to function. Came home. Had hand in a bowl of water forever. This means a combined FIVE HOURS OF WATER ON MY BURNED HAND, because otherwise it tingled like fire.

I'm pretty much falling apart.

Today my ribs still ache like I escaped from one of Jigsaw's crazy contraptions. And I still need to do video-instructed pilates with my roommate later. (We started because she got engaged like two days into the new year, and she needs a buddy so she can look good in a wedding dress.)

So until I work out (and then knock myself out with Tylenol PM and my cough syrup), I am making rice in my rice cooker, so I can use some of my leftover chinese takeout condiment packets...and watching Mythbusters. Always a good time.

It felt awesome

I stubbed my toe on the corner of the desk in here and that felt awesome. Also, I'm watching Transformers and Shia LaBeouf said it. So it was like a freaky coincidence of the cosmic variety.

I've been saying "Oh Good Grief" a lot. It's like Charlie Brown with an attitude.

I also learned that apparently it really IS that insane that I'm taking 3 languages at once. Like, totally nutso insane. So there's that.

I have to call Ireland tomorrow


EDIT-Apparently it isn't clear exactly what Shia LaBeouf said. He falls off his bike in Transformers, right? In front of the hot chick? And she's all "That was...awesome (NOT)" and he's all "Yeah...it FELT awesome...g2g hot girl, Satan's Camero is stalking me".
---I may or may not have paraphrased this scene.

Well, you know what they say about high fructose corn syrup

I actually have no idea what it is they say about high fructose corn syrup, but those ads strike me as funny. With a little bit of imagination it goes from high fructose corn syrup to...
-"Well you know what they say about tall women, right?"
-"No, I honestly don't have a clue...what do they say?"
-"...They can reach the top shelf..."


Today I had my Chinese class and I didn't even have to go into work, which is always an exciting thing. For those not in the know, I work at a local coffee shop in town making tres chic beverages for peeps who love things like...a quad grande half caf skinny skinny soy vanilla bean with sugar free vanilla and a pump of...peppermint (or whatever). It really makes my morning, making these drinks.

Tomorrow-reports on the moron twins who sit behind me in French